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I asked my Kiwi mate how many sexual partners he’d had, he started counting and then drifted off to sleep.A bloke’s son fell asleep at a party, so for a laugh they decided to shave his eyebrows off and draw a cock on his face? His wife went fucking mental when she looked in his cot!A man goes into the local corner deli. When the clerk, a very buxom young girl, asks if she can get him anything, he leans over and whispers “Is it true that you give hand jobs in the back room?” “Why yes, sir” the shop assistant coos. “I’ve already had 5 satisfied customers this morning, and it’s only 11:30am”. “Good good” the man replies. “Well, go and wash yer hands then - I only want a ham sandwich”.Three hillbillies were sitting on the porch. The first hillbilly said “My wife is so dumb, yesterday she dragged home a brand new washer and dryer, and we ain’t even got electricity!” The second hillbilly said “My wife is stupider than yers, yesterday she brings home a new dishwasher, and we ain’t even got. How you were the younger brother, but always nicer and more helpful, more responsible. How your elder brother was the golden boy, quite literally, and he could do no wrong with your parents. He got drunk and disorderly, they'd pay off the cops. He got caught stealing petty cash, he got off with a slap on the wrist, because they knew the judge. He was able to smoke pot and avoid legal trouble, too."He charmed his way into Mom's panties, knickers, she called them, and then left her in the family way without even a phone number to reach him. He screwed four other men's wives, too, but it always turned out okay for him, didn't it? Mom at least was a widow, but he used her loneliness and pretended to love her. That was what hurt. Not that he used her for sex. Nothing wrong with that. She would have been fine with that. She had needs, after all. It was that he made her love again, so soon after Rick, her husband, was killed, and then shattered her heart all over again."Trust me, Uncle.
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